In the last decade or so, we are seeing more and more urban women opting to remain single. This is contrary to the earlier trend of women viewing marriage as a 'must have'.
For many, it is a straightforward decision - to marry or not, but there are some who find themselves conflicted.
Now let us look at the various situations when women do not tie the knot and opt to remain single.
1. Fear of Losing Freedom
Girls who witness domination of women by the men in her own homes, or who see the men having the final word on every issue, often grow up to become fiercely protective of their own freedom. Freedom is something that they might achieve through their education, careers and thus financial independence. With girls having equal opportunities and abilities in every sphere of life, the percentage of girls choosing to value and defend their freedom is steadily on the rise.
2. In Search of 'Mr. Right'
Girls with good looks and great careers, are often aware of their 'assets' and keep delaying the decision of getting married for their want of the very 'best' proposal. Very often their expectations are higher than what they are getting, and so they keep looking for the mythical and elusive 'Mr. Right'.
3. Family Obligations
Many working girls, particularly when they are the only earning members of the family, cannot think of marriage when there are unmarried elder sisters and/or unsettled brothers at home. This makes them keep postponing their plans of getting married, and very often such girls remain unmarried forever.
4. Resistance To Conventions
Some girls hate 'girlie' play and work and find the role-model of their mothers as a dutiful housewife, unacceptable. 'Womanly' chores and interests disgust them. Careers chosen by them are also traditionally those that are more often chosen by men. This unconventional streak could also make them choose to defy convention in marriage as 'man and wife', as they cannot see themselves in the conventional role of the 'wife'.
5. Traumatic Heartbreak
After a long intimate relationship, when it culminates in a breakup due to betrayal or parental disapproval, girls find it difficult to open their heart to another intimate relationship, thus opting to remain single.
6. Responsibility Of Aging Parents
For many single daughters, their ageing single parent becomes a major hurdle in the way of getting married. The thought of leaving the lone old parent unsupported back home fills many girls with tremendous guilt, thus compelling them to stay unmarried.
7. Sexual Abuse Victims
Some women who have been victims of sexual abuse might choose to keep away from men, sex, and thus marriage.
8. Cynicism and Distrust
When a girl observes significant women in her life having dysfunctional and abusive marriages she might start associating 'marriage' with pain, agony and betrayal. Bad marriages in her social circle, could make her cynical, and lose trust in the institution of marriage.
9. 'Spiritual' or Commitment-Phobic?
There are some spiritual cults that propagate that "Marriage cripples individuals, killing all possibilities of love, creativity and spiritual growth". Such cults welcome and encourage singlehood and discourage marriage. However, often under the garb of so-called spiritual understanding, many women and men who are 'commitment-phobic', avoid marriage.
10. Sexual Orientation
Those girls who have clearly identified their exclusive same-sex preference, refrain from getting into heterosexual matrimony.
Whatever the reason might be - healthy or unhealthy, rational or irrational - for women choosing to remain single, the bottom line is that it is a 'way of life' chosen consciously. And the criteria to assess whether it is the right choice or not is to see if it enhances the quality of life or deteriorates the quality of their life. Whether single or married, how 'happy' are you - that is the question!
Dr. Minnu Bhonsle Ph.D. is a Senior Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor at the Heart to Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai, and has been working with couples for the last three decades.
CommentsDisclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts and opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of NDTV and NDTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.
