A good, healthy and successful relationship is, by no measure, an easy feat. Relationships are hard and they undoubtedly take a lot of work and effort from both people involved. Unfortunately, as is reiterated by many people who have been in long term relationships or marriages, no relationship comes without it's share of hiccups. No matter how happy you might be in your relationship and with your partner, there are bound to be times when you're unable to let certain things 'just slide' or cut your partner some 'slack'. When you spend that much time with someone, you get to know a side of them that you come to love, but also a side that you might not love nearly as much. There will be things, big and small, that you may not agree with or like - but not every disagreement needs to lead to a fight. But we get it - it's easier said than done. In the likelihood of either one of you losing your temper and sparking a fight, here's exactly what you should refrain from doing. Remember, you maybe angry, but there's no need to declare open fire.
Here are a few things you should never do during a fight with your partner. Ever.
1. Tell them to "calm down"
Seriously, this is single handedly the worst thing you can say to someone who is feeling anything but calm. Not only does it indicate your unwillingness to hear them out, but it is also very patronising. No one likes to feel either one of those things even in a normal situation, let alone during a fight. So really, no matter how tempted you might feel to say "calm down", refrain.
2. Assign the entire blame on them
Unless your partner has done something grossly wrong (like betrayed your trust in any form), no continuous fight or argument fight can be the result of one single person's doing. No matter who did what or who got angry first, unless it's an unforgivable mistake made by one partner, there is no need to resort to playing the 'blame game'. A disagreement or misunderstanding in your relationship shouldn't lead to you feeling like you're in a courtroom - trying to prove yourself innocent and the other party guilty. You're on the same team, and your goal is the same - to resolve the issue. Assigning the blame of the entire issue on one person will only antagonise them further and make matters worse. Instead, try and view the situation with a little bit of empathy and as objectively as you possibly can. That might help you see where you went wrong, rather than focus on your partner's faults.
3. Drag in past issues
Here's the thing - you will never stop fighting unless you talk about an issue, resolve it and move on. Keyword here being 'move on'. If you're still holding onto a grudge from a previous issue that you might have had with your partner, you obviously haven't moved on from that issue. So even if you think you've been through the issue once, talk about it again. Your partner may not be too happy about having the same discussion again, but if something is bothering you, it's better to talk about it in a cool and collected manner rather than seek another opportunity to bring it up. The said opportunity here being another disagreement. Bringing in a previous issue into a fight only blows things out of proportion and creates a never ending war of words. So if you're not over a particular issue, for whatever reason, don't pretend like you are. That'll do your relationship no good.
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