Little disagreements or loud fights - they're all a part of long-term relationships. And once you've been in enough fights, you learn a thing or two about what is acceptable to say and what is completely out of line. Many of them are easy to point out - you can just reverse the situation and imagine what it would feel like if he said the same hurtful things to you. Seems perfectly reasonable in theory, but it's easy for all of that to go out of the window in the heat of the moment. Let us help you with some of the worst things that you could possibly say during a fight with your partner.
1. 'You're pathetic.'
When you reach the point of almost throwing insults at each other, you know that it's time to pause, take a deep breath, and come up with another way to tackle the situation. It doesn't matter if you think the other person deserves it or not - it's a painful thing to hear and guaranteed to make the other person withdraw and shut down. Or worse, double down with worse things that might seriously wound you. The problem with insults is also that they're a slippery slope. How do you decide that 'this' is okay, but 'that' is too much? Keep the respect, always.
2. 'We should break up.'
Making major decisions when you're vulnerable and feeling too many things at the same time is never a good idea. Even if you've been wondering where the relationship is going, in the middle of a fight is not the time to call it quits. It seals the fate of your relationship in a minute - your partner will never feel comfortable with you if they think that you'll run away at the first sign of trouble.
3. 'You always do this.'
Every fight is different, even if just by a little. If you say this, you're essentially bringing up all of those older fights that you both had eventually resolved. This just goes on to make the fight about so many other things that were in the past - but, are not anymore. If your aim is to resolve a fight and come to a solution both can live with, this is not going to help in the slightest.
4. 'You won't understand.'
This is just a way of dismissing your partner and making them feel like they are not good enough - as they clearly can't understand how you're feeling. We get it: sometimes when you're hurting yourself, it's difficult to be rational and think things through before saying them. Saying "you won't understand" too often during fights will only make your partner give up without even trying. And that's counter-intuitive, to say the least. Ending a fight on this note means you can't be bothered enough to try and make the other person understand... That you're giving up, not only on them, but on the relationship too, by constantly saying this to them.
5. 'Why are you making such a big deal of this?'
Not taking your partner's hurt feelings seriously can make them feel like you will never understand. It could make them feel like their feelings aren't valid, and that it's wrong for them to be feeling the way they do. You have to always remember - even if your relationship is casual, everyone has the right to feel hurt - and even if the reason doesn't merit their reaction to it, the least you can do is hear them out. Most of the time, all people want is to be heard. As tough as it might be, try keeping your personal feelings about the matter aside, see the situation from their point of view and then figure out a solution.
6. 'There's no point even talking to you.'
If you say something similar to this, you have to remember - you are the one who is walking away from the conversation, not them. Sure, some people can be stubborn. And it can get difficult trying to get through to them. But you have to be patient, because the fact that you and your partner are fighting (instead of breaking up) is proof that there is a point to talking to each other and that you're both trying to make it work, one way or the other.
7. 'Why don't you go back to your ex?'
This should be obvious, but you would be surprised by how many times I have to stop my friends from going there. Talking about exes (unless the fight is specifically about them) should be strictly banned from all couple fights. Especially something that just so clearly takes you off the topic and the point of conversation pivots to all your insecurities about said ex. Do yourself a favour and just don't go there.
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