If you're meeting the family, you already know what track your relationship is on. The first bit of advice I would like to give you before getting started is that make sure you're ready to meet the parents. Getting introduced to them when you're uncertain about your relationship is not a great start. Yes, you can't avoid them for too long if you both are serious or they will definitely start wondering why you're so reluctant. But it's still better than being unsure and heading into a situation you're not ready for.
Once you're absolutely certain though, here's what you can do to build a relationship with his family members. Since we all know that their approval means a lot, you better be ready for making some major effort.
1. Start with the sibling(s)
It's your easiest way in. Siblings and first cousins are generally more likely to let you in and making you feel comfortable in the group. Meet them in friendly settings and try building a rapport with them. Remember there are still lines that shouldn't be crossed though - whatever you say to them can possibly make it back to your boyfriend's parents. Siblings and close cousins hold great sway over how the elders of the family perceive you. They can tell you what to do to impress them and topics that are touchy. They can also be your biggest champions and steer conversations in your favour. Once they take you under their wing, the rest of the family might not seem very daunting. And slowly, once you know you've built a solid relationship with them, you can start lowering your guard around them.
2. Remember the important dates
His mom's birthday, his dad's birthday, their anniversary, his sister's birthday... All of these dates should be marked in bold on your calendar and you should start by sending your wishes through text, progress to calls, and maybe then move on to flowers or gifts. Once you've been around for a while, you should add days like Mother's Day and Father's Day to your calendar too. I know it sounds cheesy, but most parents really do dig that stuff.
3. Be a gracious guest
How? Start by showing up on time when you're invited to their house. Dress appropriately and slightly on the formal side, even if it's a casual dinner. Always take something with you, even if it's just a box of cookies. Ask his parents if there is anything you can help with - even if you're not sure what you're doing, it's okay. Just try to find a balance between being a guest and someone who doesn't need to be treated like a guest. It's tough, I know, but you'll get the hang of it pretty quickly.
4. Initiate conversations
There will be times when you won't get what they're talking about. Inside jokes, family ribbing, heckling among cousins... It can all make you feel like an outsider. Try not to let the frustration get to you. Definitely don't start texting because you're bored. If you look like you're otherwise occupied, they will not have any reason to stop and try to involve you in the conversation. If you patiently persist, eventually, the conversation will turn to you and it will be up to you, how you steer it. If you get to interact with his family members on a one-on-one basis, don't hesitate to go for it: it will only help you build an individual and personal connection with each one. Be attentive and responsive, but also assertive while talking to them so that they know you have a strong personality and it is in their interest too, to get to know you.
5. Always present a united front
When in front of his family, always have your boyfriend's back. It's okay to join the family in light-hearted teasing, but avoid getting into a fight or even a heated debate in front of everyone. You can always pick things up when you're alone together and talk about the things you didn't agree with him on. Just try to not lose your cool before that.
6. Don't give up
It's not always an easy journey. It can get extremely annoying sometimes, especially when you feel like they're deliberately trying to keep you out and not making even the tiniest bit of effort. Other times, it feels like you're always going one step forward, two steps back. All I can tell you is that you can't give up. It might feel like it's only getting worse, but if you keep at it, you will have a breakthrough with them eventually and it will all seem worth it one day.
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