Every relationship is different. Naturally, no two relationships can ever be the same - just like no two people can be. The kind of relationship a person has with another individual depends on so many factors. A person's attitude, personality, temperament are just a few such things. In a romantic relationship, with a partner, there is an additional factor that often plays an important role in determining how good or bad the relationship is - sex.
Yes, it is true that sex is an important part of any healthy marriage. But does the kind of sex you have determine the kind of relationship you will have? Does good sex equal a good marriage, great sex a great marriage and bad sex... just the end of it?
Dr. Minnu Bhonsle, Relationship Counsellor, says, "A sadomasochistic, conflict-ridden, verbally/physically abusive marriage may also have great sex. There may be great make-up sex after a long conflict, wild sex after a fist fight, passionate and aggressive sex in a relationship full of insults and verbal put-downs."
While being intimate and working towards creating intimacy in a relationship is important, there are other things that go into making a marriage work and be great. If you're in an abusive relationship but really enjoy the sex, is that marriage really great or healthy?
"Unfortunately when there are deal breakers in a marriage - like extra-marital affairs, alcoholism or substance abuse - sex is often used either as a tool to bring back the partner into the marriage or to assure oneself through sex that things aren't so bad."
"However the truth is that great sex cannot be a band-aid for an infected marriage. Sex, if used as a quick-fix for serious and unaddressed issues, will only serve to multiply the problems and breed resentment till they finally destroy the marriage," concluded Dr. Minnu Bhonsle.
No matter how great the sex might be, staying in a relationship that is mentally or physically abusive is not the best idea. Seeking counsel and involving an expert is the best way forward if one wants to fix or mend such a relationship.
Dr. Minnu Bhonsle Ph.D. is a Senior Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor at the Heart to Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai, and has been working with couples for the last three decades.
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