They say time heals all wounds. We're not sure if that's true for all wounds but it is for the ones to your heart after a bad breakup. With time, you think of that person less often and you even tend to remember only the happy memories and not the bad ones. Let us make one thing clear though - if you were in an abusive relationship, we would advise you to not try being friends with that ex. If you and your ex grew apart and things didn't work out for some other reason, there is still a chance for you to be friends with him again. When you think enough time has passed, and you've successfully gotten over him, here's what to do:
1. Have a heart to heart
There is no moving forward until you can speak honestly about how you both feel. Discuss what you both want from each other, figure out if you're on the same page. If one of you keeps pursuing friendship while the other one only wants space, it's going to end badly for both of you. Make sure you're not doing it out of an obligation either and that it's truly what you want.
2. Forgive and forget
It seems a lot easier in theory than in practice. The breakup happened for a reason - you both are sure to have a lot of grievances and 'what ifs' in your head. The time to address those is gone. You have to accept that and forgive each and every mistake your partner made in the relationship. Not only that, you have to forget all the problems too. You can't bring them up, out of the blue, when you two are trying to be friends and expect him to explain himself. You have to close that chapter, once and for all.
3. Lay down some rules
A regular friendship doesn't come with rules, it's true. But a friendship after a bad breakup must. You need rules and you need boundaries - for your sanity and for it to work. You need to know how much you can take and you need to make him aware of those limits. For example, if you don't want to hear about any new women in his life - tell him to keep those details to himself. Also, if he would want to know when things get serious with someone you're seeing, make sure you loop him in. Different people cope differently and these rules will help both of you cope at your own pace.
4. Have no expectations
Trying to be friends after a breakup is always an experiment - even if you both were best friends before you started dating. The equation has changed, so have the feelings. So prepare yourself for the worst. Don't expect him to be there every time you need him, don't expect him to get you and your thoughts like he used to. This is your attempt at a new beginning and let's be honest, most couples usually fail at it. And if you go in expecting nothing and you end up making things work, wouldn't it feel completely out of this world? But if you go in with expectations and things go south, it might break your heart all over again.
5. Don't take advice from others
The worst thing about being friends with your ex? All the comments from your friends and family (if they know) about it. Either they assume you're back together or they keep reminding you how horrible an idea it is to be friends with an ex. Well, nobody asked them, right? Stick to what you want to do and ignore all the advice that comes your way. Worst comes to worst, they'll be right - but you did what you wanted to and your friends will still be there for you.
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