A child needs to be spoken to about sex at various ages and stages of their life.
It is imperative to teach young children the right scientific name of all their body parts and the concept of 'private parts'. They must also be instructed that no one has the right to touch or expose these private parts.
Very young children also have a curiosity about how babies are born. This curiosity must be satisfied by giving an honest and direct answer.
Parents are not always comfortable addressing such things with their children or sometimes, just don't know where to begin. You could begin by telling your child about how a man and woman in marriage get physically close to each other because they love each other - and as a result, they might have a baby at times (but be careful that you don't give unnecessary graphic details to a very young child).
Preventing child sexual abuse, and later rape, requires teaching your child the concept of boundaries and assertiveness skills in saying 'No'. The child must be taught to immediately report to a trusted adult if anyone tries to inappropriately touch, or even merely verbally suggest any sexual activity. What is important to highlight is that even if the person is known, or even if the touch is not painful or made to feel pleasurable, or even if a threat or an enticement is used - the perpetrator must be reported. The child must be told that even if it feels pleasurable or good in any way 'you are not at fault'. Thus must be repeatedly reinforced.
Adolescents need to be educated about the risk of pregnancy with sexual experimentation. They need to be taught the difference between 'responsible and irresponsible sexual behaviour' and educated about contraception as well as sexually transmitted diseases. They also need to be educated about the emotional scars of unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
Responsible sex should be explained as a sharing of loving and affectionate physical intimacy. Responsible sex can only take place between two physically and psychologically healthy, mature and consenting adults, who are aware of and willing to be responsible for the possible consequences of such physical intimacy. Sex can lead to deep emotional involvement and pregnancy - and one must be prepared for such things before becoming sexually active.
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Dr. Minnu Bhonsle Ph.D. is a Senior Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor at the Heart to Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai, and has been working with couples for the last three decades.
