A woman is usually intuitive about her man being interested elsewhere. However, there are times when one might ignore the doubts until they stare you in the face.
While the signs given below could indicate that he is living a life he does not want to make you a part of, I am not absolute in my claim that each of these signs individually mean that he is cheating on you.
However, if too many of these noticeable and sudden signs start occurring together, it definitely means that there is a need for an honest dialogue about whether there has been a breach in fidelity (physical and/or emotional).
1. Sudden changes in smartphone behaviour -
- He won't let his phone out of sight
- He has a new phone which he insists is only for work
- The phone is password locked and he won't give you the new password
- He won't let you take a call or even look at the phone and freaks out if you do
- He takes his phone to the bathroom for long periods
- He walks out of the room to take a call
- He is jumpy and grabs the phone if there's a message alert
- Messaging apps are regularly cleaned up to show empty under certain names
- He often makes excuses of forgetting the phone in the car if he's uncontactable
- He is seen online at unearthly hours on his travels but claims to be sleeping
2. Sudden changes in lifestyle choice -
- He upgrades his wardrobe and takes great care in grooming
- He uses a new fragrance and carries the perfume in his office bag
- He has a new diet and fitness regime which he strictly follows
- His drinking preference changes from the usual
- His music preference changes
- His cuisine preference changes
- He sits in a different room at home till late at night to watch T.V. or be on his laptop
3. Sudden change in work pattern -
- He works till late hours at the office and goes early to the office
- He has extended lunch meetings
- He travels for work more often
- He attends more offsite office meetings
- He often does drinks and dinner till late claiming to entertain work clients
- He stays on the laptop at home claiming to work and insists on alone time
4. Sudden change in interpersonal style -
- He is too nice/accommodating/encouraging of your individual pursuits
- He buys expensive gifts for you and the kids without an occasion
- He is abrupt and gives annoyed responses to enquiries about his plans
- He does not affectionately hold or touch you anymore during the day
- He finds reasons to erupt and create a conflict and be distant
5. Sudden change in sexual appetite -
- He acts out of character in bed by disallowing show of affection
- He either avoids/abstains from sex or is overly sexually active in bed
- He has an increased desire and drive and wants to try out new things
6. Sudden rise in financial expenses -
- High phone and credit card bills
- Increase in his individual restaurant bills
- Online shopping for unexplained items for "friends who borrowed my credit card"
- Large amounts transferred to PayPal accounts and eBay purchases
7. Sudden and noticeable unaccounted time -
- He mixes up timelines and gets angry at being questioned about any missing links
- He tells you he's asleep or busy in a meeting most of the time on his travels
8. Sudden change in sensitivity -
If you calmly and rationally raise the sudden and noticeable changes and express that you are concerned that he might be having a life that you don't know anything about, and if he lashes out and says that "you're crazy, insecure, distrusting and need a shrink", then it means that he is deflecting and using offence as the best defence.
If such a situation arises, then it's important to engage a Relationship Counsellor to facilitate a healthy dialogue to talk through things in an authentic and mutually respectful way. This will help in paving the path for the truth to emerge and for objective evaluation of the future of the relationship.
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Dr. Minnu Bhonsle Ph.D. is a Senior Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counsellor at the Heart to Heart Counselling Centre, Mumbai, and has been working with couples for the last three decades.
