We've all experienced moments when we were completely unable to see eye to eye with our mothers and they just couldn't understand us. All that "mom knows everything" put aside, the reality is that mothers and daughters are two separate individuals who will have differences in opinions. A lot of the times, these differences are vast. Sometimes it's because you think your mom is being overbearing, overprotective or just not liberal enough. She, on the other hand, probably thinks you're trying to be "too liberal" and not considerate enough. Whatever the reason might be for a mother-daughter conflict, the truth is that it is worth fixing.
A mother-daughter relationship, especially when the daughter herself is an adult too, is a really delicate one. Understanding each other is not always easy, but it's not impossible either. So if you've been having a conflict, a cold ego battle or just basic misunderstandings with your mother, here's how you can try and fix it.
1. Lower Your Expectations
Yes, this one is the thumb rule to fixing any relationship, but it is of even more significance when it comes to the mother-daughter relationship. Mothers and daughters often have idealistic expectations of each other. The daughter often expects the mother to always just be there and be supportive regardless of the situation. It's easy to forget that the person we expect to be nurturing, patient and understanding at all times also has other spectrums of her life to think about.
Mothers, on the other hand, seek compliance from their daughters, no matter what the situation. They often forget that as an adult, the daughter is bound to have her own set of beliefs and opinions which need to be respected too. Constantly expecting the other person to understand and bend down to accept one point of view can cause a strain in any relationship.
Lowering your expectations, or rather, having realistic expectations and accepting what the other can give without constantly complaining or demanding more is the first step in healing a relationship.
2. Increase Your Tolerance
Having moments when snapping at each other seems like the only option is not completely unnatural. There is, however, a better way to deal with it. The next time you want to snap at your mom, even if it's because she snapped at you first, take a moment and breathe. Sometimes agreeing, calmly walking away from a situation and addressing the issue in a more collected way later is what can be the game changer. Recognise that just because one of you is in a bad mood, doesn't mean the other one needs to be too. Try and put yourself in her shoes.
3. Find Time To Connect
We're all super busy in our lives, but in order to mend a relationship, you've got to find time to spend with each other. It might not always be what you want to do and might even feel slightly forced in the beginning, but try and find common interests and do things together. It's important to know how much time is "good" time and how much time you'll actually enjoy with one another; lest you be left feeling bitter at the end of it. Do try and find at least some time to just really connect, though. Speak about things you haven't before and open up to each other. You might be surprised at the outcome!
A mother-daughter relationship is one the most precious ones of all. Don't let a fight hurt it more than it already has.
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