If there is one thing that the Anushka - Virat dream romance and happily ever after has taught us, it is that a breakup doesn't have to be the death knell of a relationship. If the feelings are strong enough and both partners are willing to work on their faults, there's nothing that love can't overcome. If you've recently ended your relationship, but can't get rid of the niggling doubt that maybe you threw in the towel a little too quickly, that your ex really might be the one and if you should try to go back and see if there's hope for a more successful round two, we recommend you go through this checklist.
Are you a couple addicted to breaking up?
Most couples end up yelling all kinds of uncharitable things they don't really mean during a fight. While threatening to break up is really, really bad on its own, doing it just to prove a point is just so much worse. Breaking up, knowing full well that you're going to get back together, is a toxic and immature relationship pattern. If you can take breaking up so lightly, how does either partner take the other's word seriously on other issues? If one is constantly 'breaking up', while the other is holding on, it can be very painful and emotionally depleting for the partner who has to live under the constant threat of being dumped. They will never be able to rely on their partner or consider the relationship a solid partnership. Over time, the idea of breaking up loses its gravity for the partner that holds the relationship together. If you, or your partner, is constantly breaking up, it is time to take a step back and ask yourself why you're doing it. Are you in it half-heartedly? Are you using it as a weapon to get your way? Figure out the answer and proceed accordingly.
Accept your part of the blame
Very rarely is one partner completely right and the other completely wrong. Hopefully, you've used the time apart to reflect on what you did wrong as well, not just fume over your ex's faults. Even if your ex was more in the wrong, when you have the to-be-or-not-to-be conversation, be honest about what you realised to be your own shortcomings. This will give them courage to be more forthcoming about their own faults as well.
But don't agree to all kinds of allegations just to get back together
While accepting your share of the blame is important, it is also important not to lose your self-respect by agreeing to be blamed for things you didn't do. You might be tempted to apologise for all kinds of things when you really want to get back together, and it might even work initially, but in the long run, it will keep festering in your mind. Getting back together after a breakup only makes sense if both partners come to the table with an open mind, willing to listen to each other and apologise for their mistakes. Agreeing to baseless accusations might get them to take you back, but you're only setting yourself up for future hurt.
Seek help
Sometimes, it can be difficult to keep past hurt aside and be objective about the conflicts that led to the breakup. If you find yourself arguing in circles, without any resolutions, it might be a good idea to seek help - either professional or in the form of an unbiased person that both partners trust. Many times couples feel that if they can't work it out among themselves while dating, it's not worth investing further in. While that might be true if all you seem to be doing is fighting, seeking help for an issue you're not able to handle but both want to resolve, is mature, not desperate. All it means is that both partners feel deeply and are committed enough to each other to do what's needed to solve a problem.
Ask yourself: Why are you getting back together?
Are you trying to work things out because you feel strongly for each other and there is a lot worth fighting for in the relationship, or are you doing it because you don't want to be single? Sometimes, it is the fear of being alone, and not wanting to go through the dating process, that makes people go back to their exes, no matter how toxic the relationship is for them. While all those feelings are understandable, you should know that being in a bad relationship will be lonelier in the long run than being alone. Not to mention the emotional toll it will take on you. 'What will people say' is an equally bad reason to be with someone. The only reason you should be in a relationship is that you love your partner and they make you happy.
Ask yourself: What do you want from the relationship going forward?
Before you initiate the getting back together conversation, you need to have perfect clarity on what it is that you want from the relationship if you were to get back together. Are you willing to forgive them for whatever it was that caused the breakup? Do you think they will be able to forgive you? What needs to change between the two of you? What are you willing to change about yourself? What are the things you're willing to adjust to? How do you plan to make the changes you propose? This is not about digging in your heels, but making sure that you don't cause yourself or your ex further emotional distress by getting back together without a plan and splitting up again. Breakups are painful, and getting back together with your ex makes both partners feel vulnerable. Unless you're very sure of what you want and if you truly believe things can be worked out, don't go back.
Know when it is time to call it quits
Getting back together doesn't mean you're stuck with no way out. As painful as it might be, knowing when to walk away is as important as trying to make things work. Maybe your expectations from a partner or a relationship just don't align with each other's. Maybe you know that there is no future. Or maybe the past hurt simply cannot be forgotten. When you realise that trying to make things work is a futile exercise, walk away with dignity.
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