To begin with, let's start with using the correct word for it: harassment. Online harassment is never a thoughtless, thick-headed, bumbling blob of idiocy that the cutesy sounding "troll" (from Norse mythology) would cajole us into believing. It is not innocuous or harmless. Abuse, whether online or offline is targeted, vicious and vitriolic, and can have very real, tangible consequences on the way people navigate their online existence, particularly if they take the form of thinly veiled threats and implied violence. It has the potential of eroding a person's confidence and holding them back in their professional lives. It is easily capable of instilling fear and making people feel unsafe all the time because how do you escape the ever-expanding reach of the ominous 'ding' from the phone in your pocket?
While all online harassment is deplorable, it gets worse if you're a woman who has the temerity to voice an unpopular opinion about matters that concern her own life, let alone other things. Misogyny is the dollop of whipped cream on the unending cake that is online abuse, and sexism is the cherry sitting prettily on top.
When faced with an unrelenting stream of mindless, pointless, unintelligent invective, even those among us who have vast, seemingly bottomless reserves of patience can find themselves at the end of their tether and bristling with frustration. Here are 5 tips to help you deal with attention-seeking cowards, the black holes for your time and energy on the Internet.
1. Feel free to not engage with them at all
If dealing with sexist haters online upsets your mental and emotional equilibrium, it is perfectly okay to never engage with them. You are not letting feminism or other women down by allowing them to carry on, unrefuted. Taking care of yourself and maintaining your sanity is more important than fighting a fight you don't feel equipped to take on. It doesn't make you a bad/ fake feminist, it just makes you a smart one with a very realistic handle on what you can and can't do.
2. Recognise that women can be harassers as well
Anyone who tries to pressure or shame you into doing something you're not comfortable with is harassing you. You are not required to be the face or the flag-bearer for someone else's ideological agenda. Being forced by self-styled gadflies on the Internet to engage with people, file police complaints or report abuse when you'd clearly rather not is also a subliminal form of online abuse. Stand your ground and do not hesitate to call them out for it, if they get too pushy.
3. Keep detailed records
You might never take action against them, but some day, a serial harasser might go far enough for your patience to finally give way. If that day arrives and you decide to teach them a lesson they'll never forget, you don't want to find yourself being held back due to lack of evidence. Take screenshots of tweets, Facebook comments and Whatsapp conversations, especially in the case of serial harassers. Meticulously archive emails. You never know when you might need them.
4. Put things in perspective
Know that your harasser is most likely a loser who needs the anonymity of the Internet to hide behind so they can spew their hateful rhetoric without any fear of consequence or worry of being found out. Should you decide to find and reveal their identity, most of them would abandon their hateful beliefs in a second and hide in a corner. As daunting as they might seem on the Internet, most of them are actually just inveterate cowards. But even while that is true, it is also true that some of them have the potential to turn dangerous and pose a threat to your safety. If someone makes the alarm bells go off in your head, do not ignore your gut and take steps to ensure your safety.
5. Seek out other victims
It's tough not to feel isolated when you're being terrorised by a nameless, faceless person who has the potential to be a dangerous person who can cause you harm. When the fear starts to take control, seek out other women who dealt with similar situations, will understand your concerns and have a tried-and-tested coping mechanism in place. There is safety in numbers, use it.
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